Manifesto
Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by brilliant 20-something year old women. Tough life, right? Honestly, yes.
Let me explain. Thanks to the internet, I have found people who inspire the hell out of me. People like Kyle, who takes gorgeous pictures and has made herself a successful business mostly out of sheer self-confidence and hard work. Andi, who has been all over the place to pretty much everywhere I want to go and is a hot shot acupuncturist on top of that. Jenny has a template for whatever you might need in life and is getting her book published, Ashley’s just come out with her e-book and is living the location independent blogger dream (currently in Santiago, which means I’m meeting her mañana)…the list goes on.
All this, of course, is great for my social life. I get to hang out, both virtually and in real life, with some really really cool people who make me laugh AND make me think. This is my idea of a good time.
It’s not always, however, great for my crazy mind. See, these ladies along with plenty of other bloggers out there have this thing about finding and following their passions. This is of course great. It’s ideal, in fact. But it makes me crazy because I do not even know what my passion IS. If I did, I could follow it. My issue isn’t fear of the unknown or lack of funds or aversion to hard work. I just really do not know quite yet what it is I’d like to be when I grow up.
This has caused me periods of stress over this past year. Moments when I felt like I was headed right smack dab into my very own quarter-life crisis. E-mails to friends wondering whether my life, which I happen to like quite a bit, was really any good at all if I didn’t spring out of bed each and every morning ready to conquer the world in the field of my choosing (ask Kyle, she received most of them and for that deserves sainthood). Gen-Y bloggers are all out there planning round the world trips and starting online businesses and encouraging others to do the same, and it’s great but also somewhat maddening for someone like me who wants to play along but doesn’t know yet what her game of choice is.
But then I stopped for a second. And I remembered something: I like my life as it is. Like, a lot. I realized that a lot of people out there hate their jobs. They feel stuck, trapped by a perceived need for security and traditional success. Those people might need to take the advice being doled out all over the internet. The people who’ve already made the decision that it’s time for a big change and want a little guidance or support on how to do it probably need to take action based on the same posts. But that doesn’t mean that I do, at least not right now. There is no shame in contentment, even if every blog I’m reading is challenging me to think about what I really want rather than what I have.
I like my corporate 9-5 (who’re we kidding, 9-6). Does it make me feel over the moon passionate? No. But I am interested in what I do, I learn new things all the time, I enjoy the people I work with, I feel valuable, I think that what I do now will help me either directly or indirectly in the future…and honestly, that’s enough for me right now. That’s a lot, it turns out, compared to plenty of people out there. And really, forget comparison, because the whole point here is that this is about me. If it’s good enough for me, that’s all that matters.
I like being a homeowner. I like my stuff, unfashionable as that may be to say. I haven’t filled my place with crap, and the things I do own bring me joy. I like being tied down by a husband and a dog because they give me so very much happiness in return. So if I like pretty much everything I’ve got going on, maybe I need to chill out and stop letting other peoples’ successes make me worry that mine aren’t enough.
I will be the first to say that the one area in which I get particularly stressed over all this is travel. I would like to do more of it. Being an expat means that I have to use vacation time to go home to see friends and family, leaving me with precious few days to explore new places. But the idea of a round-the-world trip has never particularly appealed because I know I’d get sick of life on the road and long for home. And while sure, if I started my own location independent business I could travel more, I’m pretty lucky with the job I do have. In 2010, I went to Coyhaique, Aruba, California and Sao Paulo. In 2011, we already have tickets purchased for Punta Arenas/Torres del Paine, California and Hawaii, firm plans to head to Buenos Aires in May and a commitment to my dad to make it to England before the year is over. On top of that I think it’s realistic to say we’ll have at least one further South American trip plus a stop-over somewhere in Europe. Not bad for a corporate drone.
So while yes, I still envy these people who’ve found their passions, those who are seeing the world right this second and plenty of others who’re doing equally inventive things, there’s no reason to let it drive me crazy. I’m doing what I want. I’m happy. Just because I’m not sure yet if what’s making me happy at 25 is going to make me happy for the rest of my life is no reason to throw that happiness away in favor of wallowing in some invented despair.
With that said, here’s to 2011. The year of more travel, enjoying my conformist lifestyle and, hopefully, soaking up the awesomeness of all those inspirational people out there without letting that quarter-life crisis rear its ugly head again.
Darling you are FABULOUS and I haven't even met you yet.
I can't wait to connect tomorrow.
If you're loving your life, baby cakes, then there's nothing more to say or do! Just ENJOY IT!!!
xo
Piscos on me.
See you at the opera!
Ash
Let me just say, that while I'm crazy passionate about my job, that doesn't mean it doesn't stress the hell out of me at times. Trust me, there were days in the beginning that I was scared to get out of bed. As long as you're happy who cares if you are a barista or a lawyer? I think the ultimate goal in life is happiness and it seems like you've achieved it gorgeous!
Thanks for the shout out. Te quiero!!!
ha – this post sounds like an off-spring from the comments on kyle's blog the other day. look, i think when it comes to thoughts about life you're speaking my language. that's just great if you are really passionate about your job 99.9% of the time. who doesn't want that? i am more practical, as it appears you are as well- i like my job enough, there are days when the hours of work AND the fact that i'm probably the stupidest person i work with (i'm not looking for reassurance, i'm serious) AND one of few that didn't study finance or something related (see: french, law) & do 5 diff internships in various banks to finally land THE.JOB. is also troublesome. but, as you said, there is something to be said to conform, to work in a place where you are being judged against a group of peers that are doing similar jobs (we have score cards, literally, comparing us to everyone else) and to do well, or badly. it sets you up to be more competitive in a variety of jobs. your work experience can be parlayed into a more interesting work experience. also, i strongly believe that a job should CHALLENGE you – make you work harder, no automatic pats on the back, no easy answers. there should be times when – as i have many times – been so completely overwhelmed with all the info i didn't know that i welled up in tears at my desk. but here's the catch, when you actually DO get something, well now that's an accomplishment. i love having a routine and goals and to be challenged and i LOVE where this job MAY take me. i woudl not like to blog from a beach, start an internet company, become a poker player, etc. not enough structure, nor security. not to mention, instead of learning from others – as you probably do every day – in those jobs you're the one who's the know it all – and i personally dont feel like i have that sort of knowledge at the tender age of 28. not to put myself down. god i'm so long-winded. good post.
Ash, you are too kind. Excited for my pisco tomorrow – thanks
Andi, I have definitely learned through Kyle that loving your job doesn't make it easy. And of course, you're right that being happy is what matters most. I think it's just been easy for me at times to get wrapped up in the whole "find your passion! don't spend a single minute of your life doing something you don't absolutely love!" movement and start to doubt myself because in all honesty, my job doesn't make me burn with intense passion. But I've come to the conclusion that as you said, happiness is what counts, and for me right now that crazy passion isn't necessary to be happy.
KM, definitely inspired by Kyle's post, also by the end of the year and looking back at 2010. I think that you can work "alone" and still have people who are essentially like coworkers who challenge and teach you, but I'm the first to say that the situation I've got right now is pretty sweet in terms of coworkers. And like you, I like the routine and the structure, at least at this point in my life. I think there are people who don't, and for those people I fully support going out and finding something different, but for me it works.
Like you, I tend to get overwhelmed and self-critical when I look at the success of others in my life. But then I take a step back and realize how lucky I am to have a job I love, live in a place I love and overall, have a great life. That's not to say that I'm not going to push myself to more or get stuck in a rut, but it's good to appreciate what you do have.
As my grandfather says, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Ok, before I even start typing I think I'm already forgetting everything I wanted to say.
First, an aside — I was just wondering when you were going to blog about Brazil.
Secondly, if the travel thing gets you done, don't worry, I think if any normal person compares themselves to Andi and all the places she's seen, it's easy to think "WOAH, I have been wasting my time not seeing the world." I get that feeling too sometimes reading travel blogs.
Thirdly, I've told you this before and I'll tell you until you start believing it — you do not give yourself enough credit for what you've done here. You might feel like your life is ordinary, but it's not. You are an expat. You learned a second language. You work in that second language. You managed to do something few gringas ever do — get a real job in Chile. On top of that, you haven't even been there long and you've already managed to take on WAY more responsibilities than when you started and get promoted. You have to give yourself a pat on the back for all that you've already done. And that being said, not that I need to tell you this, but after you give yourself a pat on the back then get back at it and keep thinking about what makes you happy and what your passions are or could be. I admire you for what you've managed to do and I think your life is anything but ordinary. Take comfort in the fact that a lot of people are sitting at home, in their comfort zones, in their own countries, speaking the same language they've always spoken, hanging out with the same friends they've always had, eating the same food, working the same job…you get the point. Those people read your blog and think "WOW. That girl lives an amazing life." They are not comparing you to me or Andi or Ash or Jenny or anyone. They are just impressed. You should not compare yourself either.
Fourthly. Where did you find that photo of pisco sour? It's great. It actually makes me want to take food photography
To echo the other comments on here, you are absolutely fabulous. I may be a new reader of your blog, but from what I have gleaned, you are not only physically gorgeous, but you are also a great writer/storyteller, have a great loving husband in your life, live in a foreign country, and have done things that many people would never dream of ATTEMPTING to accomplish (hello, half-marathon runner girl!!!!!)!!
We all sometimes are unsure of the path we have taken and where that path will ultimately lead us… But since we don't know what the future holds we might as well just enjoy the ride, and love (at least a little bit) what we do and who we are.
I don't try to have all the answers anymore, nor do I try to compare my journey with someone else's. I am also surrounded by a number of fun, fearless females who have made some MAJOR strides academically/professionally… Of my small circle of close girlfriends there is a future dentist, future optometrist, a handful of lawyers, and two business women who are completing their MBAs. For a time, I felt bad that I was "only" a high school teacher. But then I looked at my life and experiences (by that time I had already lived for two years in France and one in Mexico) and realized that their path was just not something I wanted.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment but this post resonated with me!
In a nutshell, I just wanted to say that you should keep on being you, because you (at only 25, no less!) are pretty damn cool!!
You must have been spitting feathers having framed the shot. Frightened both the dog and the husband into stillness. Worked out the strategic placement of legs for modesty in such a short skirt. And then the Sun came slanting across the lens.
Abby, you talking about pushing yourself vs. being stuck in a rut is exactly where my brain goes. Am I pushing enough? Am I in a rut? Is a rut bad even if it's a happy rut? I need to just calm the crazy, and I'm working on that.
Kyle, thank you for being my biggest cheerleader
I don't really think I've done anything special because none of it was really all that hard (shh, don't tell), but I guess all the people I think are amazing probably feel the same way. And that photo was stolen from the internet. Thank you, Google Images.
Ok, Oneika, I lied to Kyle – the half marathon WAS hard! Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
Vince, that shot is 100% Kyle Hepp and is artistic! It's from the same session as the photo in my About Me page and was the only one of the 3 of us I had on the computer where I wrote the post. But your comment did make me laugh
Emily –
This may sound super cheesy, but this blog kind of meant something to me. I've been hanging out in sort of the same place as this lately… corporate job, married, homeowner, love to travel but don't get to do it enough…
I keep looking for that one thing that I'm super passionate about and something that I'm really great at, disappointed that I haven't found it yet. Except, like you, I think my life is pretty nice and makes me pretty happy.
Maybe I just needed someone like you to remind me
.
Jaime, I'm so glad you liked it! You and I can enjoy our non-passionate happiness together.
Hi Emily,
I just found you through Jenny (who I actually met in person the other day) and I really love that you wrote about this topic. I'm new to blogging and I had no idea how many people were "doing their thing" online. I am making a huge change in my life and want to be completely independent of corporate america but by meeting all these people who are doing it, I have realized how many aren't. And there is nothing wrong with them, everyone has their own "thing." I think the most important thing to do is be happy with what YOU are doing. You got it right. You like your stuff (so do I!) and are happy with your life. Running an online business isn't for everyone. But everyone has something that makes them happy.
I want so much in life and sometimes I get really overwhelmed by it. But I keep telling myself to take one step at a time…
Diana, thanks for your comment! I can totally relate to you saying you want so much and can get overwhelmed – sometimes it's hard to balance this whole idea of pursuing happiness with the fact that you can't do every single thing all at once. Good luck with your new business venture!
Emily, I too have some level of envy to those who find passion and can sustain that in what they do….whether work or otherwise, hobbies for example. I haven’t found it yet, either, but too think that perhaps my passion is not as is my face.
I want to continue contentment as that is also a passion, but in another form.
Also, I have come to learn after all these years (married, kids, travel, international relos, etc…) you define your happiness, the couple defines their happiness, and the family defines their happiness.
It is wondeful to just Be, and Be you in it.
Nice blog post. best….
I think the part about each person/family defining happiness for themselves is really the key.
I feel frustrated all the time and this really spoke to me. I’m really happy with my husband and travel this year, but I’m really itching to start my own business and sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode because the pressures of possibly becoming a parent next year and questions of where we’re even going to be living next year mean I probably will be working very slowly at that dream, chipping away. I agree with Andi that happiness is the ultimate goal. If you’re happy with what you do, that’s awesome. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished I stayed in the corporate world and had a corporate job or became a lawyer. But at the time I made a decision to leave those things I was following my heart. I hope to one day just feel completely settled and content with what I’m doing and hopefully realize my dream but I often wonder when and if that day will ever come. Thanks for sharing your own “crazy” mind. Sometimes I think I’m the only one! =)
And see, I look at you as one of those people who’s got it all figured out – traveling the world, fabulous e-book, successful blog. I think I’m learning that maybe settled isn’t on the cards for a lot of us. Content yes, happy certainly, fulfilled I hope so, but I think that with all the options we have the trade-off might be losing some of that feeling of having settled down, and that trade-off is probably worth it.