Man up and say it
Before we start this story, let’s have a little vocab lesson.
Flaite can sort of be translated as ghetto or white trash. Flaites are low-lifes who tend to be minor criminals or wannabe thugs, people from the lower economic classes who act decidedly low class.
The tarjeta bip! is a card used to take the bus and metro in Santiago. You put money on it at metro stations and some random places which offer the service. If you don’t have at least $540 (about US$1.15 right now) on your card, you can’t ride the bus. Every time you swipe your card to use transportation, it shows you how much credit you have left so you know when to recharge.
Now, on with the story.
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Today, I went to an appointment up in Las Condes. I had forgotten that I only had $530 left on my card, so to get home I flagged down the first bus that passed. I stepped on and swiped my card only to see a red light and hear the “beep beep beep” of rejection. The bus was already moving, however, and bus drivers are often nice enough to let you just ride for free, so I turned to the driver and started to ask “puedo pasar?” (can I sit down?).
Before I could finish the question, instead of a yes or no I got “psssh, igual que los flaites” (just like the flaites). I’m sorry, what? I politely ask if something that is often allowed is ok, and you give me that? I said as much, asking if flaites usually asked before just breezing past him (answer: no, they do not ask) and got a lecture about how I should act like a lady and charge my bip!. Because clearly a real lady would never do something as horrible as making an honest mistake and forgetting to charge her bus card. The horror!
Swipe your tarjeta bip! here (via http://www.flickr.com/photos/paeberz/)
I tried to explain myself, but he was convinced I was wrong. At no time did he ask me to get off the bus, however. I was the one who asked him to open the doors and let me off rather than put up with his abuse despite my continued civil attitude toward him. Although I may perhaps have told him to go to hell as I got off.
As I walked the 10 minutes in the dark toward the nearest metro, I asked myself why I was so upset by this. I’ve been denied before when I’ve asked if I can just pasar, and I have no problem with that. It’s inconvenient, sure, since it inevitably happens when I’m running late, but I respect the rules. I do however have a problem with mean-spirited comments designed not to fix the problem but solely to make someone feel bad.
And it’s precisely the latter that I’ve found more of in Chile than I’ve faced in the US. I used to have far more bad Chile days, and I blamed some things on Chile that should really have been blamed on big cities or even the real world in general. I am not saying that Chileans are the only ones who treat strangers badly; that sadly is a global phenomenon.
However in the US, I think people tend to be more direct. Even the English language is more direct than Spanish. There are plenty of passive aggressive US citizens, that’s for sure, but overall I’d say our society is critical of that approach to conflict. We encourage people to face their problems head-on. Of course, as a result we’re often called brash or overbearing, but this is one of those cultural differences where I just think that my way is right.
I will never forget the time Rodolfo and I were at the artisan compound Pueblito Los Dominicos with Lola and picked up a garden hose to offer her water. Three of the shopkeepers watched as she drank, and it was only when we chanced to walk their way that we were told off for letting a dog drink from the hose they used for their drinking water. Who would rather watch her water source get polluted with dog drool so that she could then make the owners feel bad about it than prevent the situation to begin with and allow everyone to end up happy?
Obviously a human drinking fountain (via http://www.flickr.com/photos/redvers/)
The same type of person who would rather tell someone she’s acting like flaite trash but let her ride the bus for free than politely ask her to get off. And to those people, I say man up! Grow a pair, act like an adult and address the problem rather than stewing in your sense of righteous injustice and bringing some innocently mistaken person down with you.
I am open to the idea that this happens just as much in other countries as it does in Chile and that my experience has been unfortunately skewed. However, these are my experiences, and I’m left with the impression that it’s more of a problem in Chile. So to the Chileans out there who don’t do this – and thankfully you guys are the majority – I encourage you to also man up and say something to those compatriots who are letting you down.
Hehe…so I guess the scene I made in Buenos Aires at Starbucks the other day was ok? Some guy was hovering over the collection counter, sneezed all over his hand and before I could run over, touched our frappucino cup…twice! I admonished him about him being sick and it’s not good to be putting his germs all over our cup (for the record, he had a tiny regular coffee in the end that looked nothing like a frapp). I felt bad, but, hey it needed to be said.
Yup, I support that particular scene. People are idiots.
aahh confrontation like that makes me so uneasy
I feel like I can’t ever win in those situations because either I say nothing and walk away kicking myself or I say something and am met with a total refusal to listen to logic, which frustrates me.
You know, I find that I have had a few problems at various jobs that I’ve had (both in Canada and abroad) because I’m considered to be TOO direct. But I can’t stand people who pussyfoot/skirt the issue or talk behind your back because they are too cowardly to tell you what you really think to your face. I pride myself in being very forthright… But then I get villainized for it. Argh.
There are certainly people who would rather just avoid problems and think that people who take the direct route are mean trouble makers. Clearly I disagree with those people.
ARGH. That’s so frustrating. I hate when people are passive aggressive. I hate when people whisper things loudly so that you’ll hear it, rather than look you in the eye and say it. And I also hate that when I do man up and look somebody in the eye and say, “Excuse me, sir, why are you cutting in line, do you think your time is more valuable than mine?” The same people who were just pshhhing and making snide side remarks about the same man cutting, now get all uncomfortable and look away and act like the gringa is the only one who was mad about the man cutting.
Yeah. To say I feel your pain would be an understatement. Sorry you didn’t have the best Chile day.
The other day I said “excuse me” to a woman who was pushing past me on the bus when pushing was not necessary. Still standing next to me, she turned to her friend and started talking about how I was all mad. When I asked if she would like to talk to me or just continue talking about me, she looked at me like I had two heads and got all flustered. Lady, if you can’t stand the heat…
I suspect there is something running in the background that you may be missing. Is there a requirement, official or unofficial, that females are allowed to ride the bus during the winter and in hours of darkness for safety reasons. There was something rising his ire more than you not having a fare.
Still, I expect you’ll never allow the credit to get so low again. What, don’t see the funny side yet.
There is an implied compliment in there all the same. He did take you for a native. Of course whether or not you take it as a compliment that you’ve the accent of well. Let me see. Yes, not exactly Castillian is another matter. Still he didn’t spit ‘Gringa cheapskate’ at you eather.
No, there’s nothing in the background that I’m missing. Between 10pm and 6am everyone is given an “emergency credit” that lets you ride the bus and then have that amount deducted next time you charge your card (so in this case since I was short $10, if I charged with $5000 next time I would end up with $4990 of credit). Outside those hours, there’s no special treatment for women – or else he would have allowed me on the bus without comment. He’d probably just had a bad day, which I understand since a lot of people treat bus drivers like crap, but that doesn’t mean he needs to turn around and treat me like crap.
I read this last night and then today decided to count how many people got on with insufficient fares. (I have a pretty long ride out to Lo Curro in the afternoon.) Today I counted at least 6 people who didn’t even say anything, just flashed red and kept on walking. Maybe that was your problem, you were being too polite!
The sad thing is I think you’re right. People are so used to rude behavior that they don’t know how to adjust their own responses when someone’s polite.
I’m one of those stubborn people who always feels the need to get my point across when confrontation occurs. I’m also one of those stubborn people who can’t shut her mouth when she’s being yelled at/spoken horribly to even if I’m in the wrong. There’s a certain way to speak to people. Unfortunately if people are just rude for the sake of it, I kind of just lose my temper.
You’ve definitely got more patience than me, girl.
Oh god, so am I. I don’t do well with the concept of “just letting it go” – it’s totally impossible for me. I’m working on it, but clearly so far I haven’t made much progress.
Thank you for making me feel like I am not the only ‘gringa’ in Chile who finds it difficult to just let rude behaviour go by without saying something. I now intentionally go out of my way to be very pleasant to people, especially strangers when I meet them in the bank, in shops etc, and am sometimes just gobsmacked with their rudeness in return… I hope it is just a big city thing…
It’s definitely made me try to think twice before speaking in moments when I’m frustrated and want to snap at a stranger, and I try to remember that I never know if someone’s having a bad day (key word being try). Unfortunately I think a lot of people have the opposite reaction and figure that if someone’s going to be mean to them, it gives them an excuse to be mean to other people.
As a Chilean living for a year in the US (Minneapolis) with two Americans roommates, I think that Chileans are far more direct than Americans.
Americans are more direct only when there is a rule that they must follow, like the case of the bus driver or the dog and the hose. Although, when you talk with them in informal settings they rarely tell you what they really think, only some of them directly show their emotions and more often than Chileans embark in passive aggressive behaviors.
I think you are misunderstanding rule enforcement with direct communication. In the first one Americans are probably the best, on the second one I don’t think so. Maybe I’m biased because I’m living in the Midwest, but that’s what I’ve seen so far.
I see your point. I think Chileans are a lot more direct in ways that for gringos are borderline rude, like commenting on weight or appearance or telling you what they think of your life choices. If that’s what you’re used to, then you would see that as much more direct, honest and open. I think at least in some situations what you see as gringos not telling you what they really think is them being polite within the rules of our culture. It’s just another example of how it all depends on what you’re used to.