Why I don’t have a bucket list
Anyone else feel like bucket lists are all the rage these days? For the uninitiated, a bucket list, or the slightly more positively termed life list, is a list of experiences you want to have before kicking the bucket. They can range from the mundane – learning to drive stick shift – to the incredible – climbing the tallest peak on each of the 7 continents.
I’ve noticed them popping up on travel blogs in particular, which makes sense really. People who enjoy getting out and seeing the world and planning their next trip probably have a list of the next places they want to go and things they want to do, and it’s not much of a stretch to then start listing non-travel-related experiences as well. And suddenly they’re posting a 100-point bucket list somewhere on the internet.
Machu Picchu, Peru
I love reading these lists. I like comparing what I’ve already done to what other people want to do and getting inspired to think of new things I’d never imagined. But I don’t have one of my own, and I’m not sure I ever will.
Of course there are things that I really want to do in my life. There are specific places I want to go. And yes, I could write those things down and put them up here for you to peruse and me to check off through the years.
Ipanema Beach, Brazil
But I’m hesitant to sit down one afternoon and proclaim that these are the things I for sure want to do in my life. I know I could always edit the list, but that almost feels like cheating to me. I mean, if I’m only going to erase “cage dive with great whites” from my list in 2 years, how badly do I really want to do it right now?
And while there are things I have wanted to do forever and am sure I will want to do for the foreseeable future (safari somewhere in Africa, I will never let you go, and I’m pretty set on having kids one day), I’ve done plenty of things that I never particularly cared about only to find I loved them or felt somehow satisfied by them. Learning to drive stick, for example, never sounded that interesting until I realized how proud I felt on my first outing in the car by myself. I wasn’t opposed to visiting Patagonia but had no idea how much I would value seeing Torres del Paine until I went. Those things wouldn’t have made the cut if I’d written a bucket list a year ago, but now I would consider them to be just that.
El Tatio Geysers outside San Pedro de Atacama, Chile
The funny thing is that I love lists. I make them all the time. I love crossing things off lists. You’d think this whole idea would be right up my ally. But I think my commitment-phobia when it comes to a bucket list can be traced to two things.
First, in general I don’t have a detailed life plan (yet?). There are people who have specific goals, and that kind of outlook probably lends itself a bit better to list-making than does my more go-with-the-flow approach. Second, if you had asked me 5 years ago whether I imagined my life looking like it does now, I would have said no. I never planned to live in Chile for as long as I have, for a start. I figure my life will probably continue to take interesting twists and turns, and I can’t predict where I’ll be – or what will be important to me – 5 years from now.
Bucket listers: please don’t think I’m criticizing. I’m not! I even tried to write my own list for a while there before realizing that it just isn’t me. Because let’s be honest: I struggle deciding which books I want to download to my Kindle next, so expecting me to be able to enumerate all the major experiences I want to have before dying is a bit much, don’t you think?
I don’t have a bucket list either. Like you, I don’t know what my life will look like a year from now or even a month. In fact, I don’t wanna know.
A few years ago I wanted to own a house and do the whole standard life plan. Now I want the complete opposite… That’ll probably change to.
Even having the house (ok, it’s an apartment) and standard life plan and being pretty confident I’ll stay on that path I can’t predict where or how things will go in the future!
I don’t believe in bucket lists either. The more adventurous typically don’t.
I like how you think
All I know is learning stick-shift can be life changing.
Aren’t you so proud of me for finally learning? I can actually drive the car by myself now, not just shift gears like I used to do for you in high school.
Emily, I am more like you, go with the flow, no plan– do you ever find yourself though, jealous of the people who DO have a list and a plan/vision? I do. I also sometimes end up a little resentful when I go along with someone else’s plan despite not having one of my own from the start. ;-/
Oh I definitely do – the link about how I don’t have a detailed life plan chronicles some of my worrying over that particular topic. Plus if I had a list, I’d get to check things off, and there is probably no greater feeling than checking things off lists.
My “bucket list” consists only of travels, ha! So it’s more like my “travel list.” And when I started writing one, the thing I realized is that I’ve already accomplished most of what I once thought were my life travel goals at only 28. All the more reason to dig deep and created a new, more challenging list with more far flung locales.
I could do an ever-changing travel list. I definitely have places that I most want to go asap, and as I visit those places and hear about other places, the order of the destinations I’m currently obsessed with changes.
Isn’t it kind of funny to look back and realize that some of the trips that seem normal to you are actually things other people only dream of? The pictures in this post are all from travels I took during my semester studying abroad, and they’re places that I’m sure are on several bucket lists.
There is a film with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson where both are about to drop in a few months and they proceed to attend to such a list. Now that’s valid, life affirming even. To write one in ones 20/30/40/50/or 60s while in the whole of your health is just morbid and quite honestly a bit self indulgent.
Take your example of the sharks. Now you can head off and do it. In five years time when you may have one at your knee one on your hip while baking or feeding another. Then such a dangerous endeavor would be outright criminal. And anyway by then getting them into a car will be enough of a challenge.
I don’t think it’s necessarily morbid to say that there are certain things you really want to do during your lifetime – despite the name, I don’t think most people are focusing on the kicking the bucket part. But I do see how it could be argued that it’s selfish depending on the circumstances and what’s on the list.
I was also very confused by your comment at first wondering why I would have sharks at my knee or on my hip, but I got it eventually.
But what you’re on about then are goals. Not the nail colours to the mast blind intent of the bucket list. I think that’s why it’s only for one or two things, at most a handful. Otherwise you could say that the next intake of air is on the list. And lets be fair more important than any other.
Glad you got the other reference before Ms Hepp decided I was being rude ;p. But I think it’s that confusion of the common language thingy rearing it head for that reference would have been picked up with ease. In future when reading my comment think Monty Python and the holy handgrenade of Antioch. Toodle’s. Vin
I think the fact that I read your comment on my phone about 5 minutes after waking up may have had something to do with my confusion regarding sharks vs. children.
I totally agree, Em. I actually never realised bucket lists were so popular and only came across one on a blog a few months ago and thought, ‘Ooh, how cool, I’m gonna do that!’
My bucket list has things on it I’d like to do but it’s just there for fun more than anything. If I didn’t get through everything on there it wouldn’t be the end of the world because as long as you’re happy with your life and what you grab from it, that’s all that matters. I’m much more of a ‘live for today’ kind of person than a ‘plan for the future’ gal.
That’s exactly my problem with these lists (for me): if I did make one, I don’t think I would actually be heartbroken if I didn’t do the things on it. And that would then better be called a “things I might like to do someday” list as opposed to a bucket list. I can think of very few things that I really feel like I MUST do in life, and that would make for a pretty short and boring list.
I wrote a Bucket List when I was 16 years old…
then I lost it.
Ok, it wasn’t a list of things I wanted to do before before I die. It was just a list of things I wanted to do some time without thinking about the death side of things, or even knowing what a bucket list was.
Therein lies the appeal of the online bucket list – harder to lose!
I’m with you – I don’t have one because, frankly? It strikes me as morbid to have a list of stuff you want to do before you die. I want to do stuff because I love living, not because I’m afraid I’ll miss out before I die.
I’d rather think about tons of time I’ve got left, not ‘OMG, I have to do all this before I die!’
I do think it’s easy to get caught in the trap of going about your day-to-day life without taking advantage of time to do the things that you dream of before it’s too late (whether “too late” is defined by death, a job, children, a move or something else). From that point of view I think it’s great to take a minute to think about what you really hope to do during your lifetime and then remember to work toward doing those things. But you can do that by checking in with yourself every so often, not necessarily by focusing it on “what to do before I die.”
Right. I think the reason it’s likely caught on is we’ve all seen people wait ‘until’. Until the kids are older or until they have the time or until they retire for all the dreams they have. For some people, I suppose they feel making a list is the way to go about it.
I have a list of goals, but even those change. I feel that you have a very good point in that we change, therefore our goals and dreams change. I still want to go to Ibiza, but I might not be partying as hard as I intended a few years back.
Great post, lots to consider.
My boyfriend and I have been debating this exact topic! He’s leaving for London for the next 4 months basically and we kept talking about stuff we wanted to do before he left and realized it was a ridiculously long list so we wrote down a “f*ck it” list. Basically, we’re not committed to doing EVERYthing on the list but its fun and inspiring and we’re doing a lot more random fun things than we might be doing otherwise if there weren’t a count down of sorts.
I prefer to think of such lists not as stuff I HAVE to do, but just things I’d like to try at some point. Cause why not!
That probably isn’t actually the definition of a bucket list, but… same idea and why I like it.
I love it! I think it’s great that you guys made a list instead of realizing at the airport that you never did do that thing you said you wanted to make sure to do.
And just for future reference, you can say fuck on my blog
I totally hear what you’re saying. I have a bucket list and I agree there are lots of experience I may have that in hind sight would be bl worthy. I decided to allow myself to edit as need. Life changes all the time and what I want of of life certainly has as well.
See, normal people would probably do what you do and just edit the damn list. I however feel like if I’m going to call it a bucket list, I better be pretty freaking committed to every single item on it, which kind of kills my creativity.
Totally agree – I don’t have one either. I don’t judge those who do but I try to live life as if it could end at any second. So hopefully I’m doing all the things I want to be doing every day. Having a list keeps me from living in the present moment.
I know that I find it hard to find balance between living in the moment and planning for future goals, so I can see how having a set list would make you feel that way.
I don’t have one either, there are too many places I want to see that I don’t want to stress myself looking at all the places I haven’t gone just so I can tick them off my list.
Another good point: I would totally stress out about all the unchecked items if I took the time to write them out! Probably best for my mental health then that there’s no list.
Sister from another mister! I totally agree with your entire post. I don’t have a bucket list either due to many reasons: my attention span is quick-lived, I’m a commitment phobe too, nor do I have a “detailed life plan” either. However I am a compulsive list maker, so it doesn’t really add up. Oh the intricacies of life.
Great post
Sounds like we’re very similar!