“Ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency, the emergency lighting system will activate. Also, when you get up to go to the bathroom, please make sure to wear shoes.”
The Mayans may have had it right. If we now live in a society where people have to be told to wear shoes into an airplane bathroom, a society where this is not only the most obvious of all air travel rules but an obvious life rule, then clearly the end is near.
I’ve been on my fair share of planes and consider myself if not an expert then at least a seasoned pro. So for the benefit of my fellow passengers on my last flight home from California, let me share a few of my air travel rules:
Wear shoes to go to the bathroom
Still can’t believe we have to be explicit about this. Britney Spears, I hope you’re reading. Again, this is not limited to the “air travel rules” category. You should be using this one on the ground too.
It’s ok to be impressed by business class
Business class is sweet. You can stick out your legs without touching the seat in front of you, you can recline almost all the way, the food is actually good – there’s nothing wrong with being excited about it, and I for one am not about to judge anyone who looks like he’s enjoying the experience.
I did, however, judge the guy sitting next to me. Because if you’re really so fancy that you need to ask where the wine comes from before accepting it (it’s free wine on a long-haul flight, just drink the stuff for crying out loud), then you’re fancy enough to know that the menu they pass out to the business class passengers before take-off contains detailed descriptions of all the wines on offer. Keep up, buddy.
Plug in your personal DVD player
Because asking the girl sitting next to you if she knows how to work it and being told “you need to plug that in right there” is probably embarrassing.
Bonus points for not interrupting the end of your seatmate’s movie
I felt a little bad when, as my movie ended, and my oenophile neighbor asked how it was, I thought “oh god, he wants to chat.” Because it turned out that actually, he’d only been keeping tabs on my movie because he’d wanted to go to the bathroom for about ten minutes but realized the movie was about to end and chose to wait before asking me to move. That was really nice of him.
But then when you ask the person in the aisle seat to let you pass, pass. Or you will lose your bonus points
Considering this guy had already been waiting a few minutes to go to the bathroom, I of course quickly pulled my legs out of the way and disconnected my headphones from the DVD player so he could get by. And then he just…sat there. For like five minutes. As I sat there doing nothing all scrunched up. It was strange.
Air travel these days is a trying experience. Let’s not make it worse on each other, ok? Be respectful of your seatmates’ time and space (I have not even gone into how rage-ful it makes me when someone takes the whole armrest, but that’s another no-no), don’t try to be someone you’re not, and wear shoes when walking on what might as well be a dirty city street.
Now, was that so hard?
What are your air travel rules and pet peeves?